FEIGN FABLE FIASCO!
by Tru Mel Meiko Mei Ling
Summary: Eggman takes Station Square hostage, and the only way he'd even consider letting them go, is if Sonic and the others put on a good show for him. So, they turn to old nursery ryhmes to act out...
1. SEEMINGLY SHIFTY SCHEME!

**A/N: Another "revived" story. Just to let you know I write and have written A LOT, so a lot of the stories may not make much sense if any lol. Im in a story revival mood lol**

**-**

**Feign Fable Fiasco! Chapter 1: Seemingly Shifty Scheme?**

"Allright, Eggman!" Sonic announced with a finger pointed at the guile and scheming doctor. "Give me one good answer why you kidnapped all of Station Square and held them hostage!"

Amused, as he was disturbed by Sonic's presence, the scientist turned away from his gigantic computer console in his primary control room, and met Sonic's fiery eyes with his own.

"Well, if it isn't my old pessimistic rodent friend!" Eggman grinned, as he placed his fingertips together, thoughtfully. "I see you decided to heed my call! For once, I'm glad to see you!"

"You're not answering my question, doc!" Sonic snapped back, clenching a fist. "Why'd you take the city hostage?"

"Hostage?" Eggman repeated with mock innocence. "Who me? Ha! I simply liberated them from their usual everyday boring and wretched lives, and decided to keep them here to build my Eggman Empire. I'm sure their lives will be much more entertaining under my reign!"

Sonic almost laughed at Eggman's remark, but confidently rubbed his nose. "Ha. Some reign that would be. You're much too capricious for that kind of thing. Maybe you should stick to using your skills to building innovations for the toaster, or something…"

Eggman raised an eyebrow. "Your amusement is quite annoying, hedgehog! But actually, your childish banter has actually given me an idea."

"Hm?"

"The townspeople are rather unmotivated and cantankerous towards building my empire, and unless they hurry it up, I'll be too old to appreciate my great city when it's completed!"

"Come on, be specific! I know you like hearing your own voice, but I didn't come here to chat with you all day." Sonic stated with a small yawn.

Seeing his casual behavior, Eggman frowned and pointed a finger at him. "Be quiet and let me finish! Because of their lackluster performance, I have no choice but to turn to you and those teamwork-bent friends of yours to give them the boost they need."

Sonic had become bored listening to the doctor's empty words. "Yeah so…?"

"So, I want you all to be a form of entertainment for them so they can work faster! Put them in a good mood!"

Sonic chuckled. "Why can't you motivate them, Eggman? It IS going to be your empire after all. If you can't persuade them now, what makes you think you can do it after it's completed?"

Eggman began to retaliate, but stopped himself and rubbed his chin. "Yes…I hate to admit, that you DO have a point…"

After a while, Sonic nodded. "Fine, I'll go along with."

"What?" Eggman exclaimed, shocked. "You will?"

Sonic shrugged. "Sure. I know that you wouldn't hurt them and besides, there's nothing else to do."

Eggman was so thrilled, that he almost said "thank you" to Sonic, but managed to hold it back. "Well, this is most interesting. Allright, then it's settled! I want you and your friends to come to this exact same area in one hour! Understand?"

Sonic smiled, and rubbed his nose. "You got it, doc." With that, he turned on his heels to leave, but paused in his step. With his back to Eggman, he turned his head slightly to the side. "If you know what's good for you, you'll keep your word. If not, the three of us wouldn't hesitate to destroy this entire control room in a heartbeat with you in it."

Eggman flinched. "What? You would actually be willing to kill me?"

After a pause, Sonic turned to Eggman and shook his head. "Nah. But we'd threaten you until you finally changed your ways." With a confident grin, Sonic flashed a thumbs up, then sped out of the room a second later.

Once alone, Eggman pondered Sonic's words for a moment, and wordlessly looked up to the doorway. "…Humph. Change my ways? That'll be the day. …"

-

WHAAAT? OMIGOSH! IT'S A 2 PAGE CHAPTER! GWAAAHHH! RUN FOR THE HILLS! RUN FOR THE HILLS!

Wow, I can't believe it. 2 pages is a far cry from my usual 20+ pages. Ah well. Trying something new with this one.

The real comedy will arrive soon!

Irrelevant fact: I was listening to the Mystic Mansion bgm in Sonic Heroes' audio room while typing this. Why I'm letting the world know, I have no idea. As for the "tongue twister" titles…er…they'll match the chapters better as the performances actually start. Oh, and the "three of us" Sonic was referring to were himself, Knux and Tails. The original "heroes".

-Mel


	2. DYNAMICAL DUO'S DAUNTLESSNESS!

**FEIGN FABLE FIASCO: DYNAMICAL DUO'S DAUNTLESSNESS!**

Back in the deserted town of Station Square, Rouge the Bat joyfully treated herself to a stealing spree inside all the banks and museums she could find. With no people around, getting caught for doing what she did best was the least of her worries.

"This is almost too good to be true!" she chirped, while looking around in the latest bank she came across, with a bag nearly full of jewelry in it.

"5 pounds in only two hours! I'm going to remember this day for the rest of my life!"

As she went further inside, a sparkle of a rare and expensive gem caught her eye. With a smile, Rouge flew over to the giant sapphire before her, sealed in glass. With a dreamy look in her eyes, she eyed it for a moment, then gave the glass that surrounded it a kick.

Without much effort, one swipe split the glass and she eagerly grabbed the jewel.

"So beautiful…" she mumbled, looking at it. "3 places down, 27 more left to go! This is TOO easy!" she cheered.

Putting the jewel in her bag, she began to run out of the bank, when her phone vibrated. Alarmed, she fumbled with grabbing it and ended up dropping it in the middle of infa-red cross lines she had avoided on the way in---setting off the alarms, and triggering an internal lock –down.

"Just great! Who in the world would be calling me, now!" Rouge yelled. Ignoring the beams, Rouge irritatingly scooped up the phone and yelled into the receiver: "HOLD ON!"

By that time, the walls had already been sealed shut around her, and began to steadily close in on her.

"…Not bad…" she uttered, sarcastically, then tapped the floor with the toe of her boot. "It's slate. …Not a problem…" With that, she stood on one foot, then performed her Drill Drive move into the floor, digging deep into it and disappearing from the room right before the walls completely closed in.

"What's she doing?" Shadow wondered, looking at his cell phone, which was black and red like him. Gliding through the empty city with his Air Shoes, Shadow looked around for any signs of Rouge. He knew she'd be out on a "shopping spree" from the disappearance of everyone in the city. He had already checked 5 malls and jewelry stores, looking for her.

With a frown, he hung up the phone, and came to a stop.

"…She has to be in this city somewhere…" he muttered, crossing his arms. "But where…?"

Wordlessly, Shadow looked to the sky for a moment, before looking back at his cell phone and dialing Rouge's number again. The moment he put the phone to his ear, the ground began to shake. "What the…"

"FINALLY!" Rouge exclaimed, emerging from the ground, beneath Shadow's feet, nearly knocking him to the ground.

Shaking her head to remove most of the dust and debris from out her hair and face, Rouge quickly pulled herself out of the ground, and instantly identified Shadow. "Shadow? What are you doing—ahh!" she screamed, as she tripped over her own feet and blindly crashed into him, sending them both to the concrete.

'Ow! She's heavy…!' Shadow exclaimed in his mind. Looking to her, he felt his face warm up from the position they were in. At that moment he was glad no one was in the city. Anyone, especially that fake hedgehog, who could see Rouge practically straddling him in the middle of the street was the LAST thing he wanted to go public.

"Shadow!" Rouge repeated, not realizing the intensity of their situation "What are you doing here!"

Shadow frowned while trying to lift her off of him. "I was looking for you…"

She sighed. "With every jewelry store employee-free, you knew I'd be out—what the…" she trailed off as her phone vibrated again.

Silence fell over them, as they stared at each other blankly.

With a light crimson across his cheeks, Shadow pointed to her lower half of her cat-suit. " Please tell me, that's your phone vibrating…"

With a blush, Rouge hit him on the shoulder and reached in her pocket. "O-of course it is! Get your mind out of the gutter!"

Shadow scoffed. "Well, it's kind of hard when there's a woman straddling you with something vibrating in her pants…"

Blushing wildly, Rouge hit him again, a little harder this time. "Oh, be quiet! You know you like it!"

"Do I…?" Shadow replied with a distinctive edge to his voice.

Unable to look at him because she was blushing so much, Rouge quickly stood to her feet and looked to see who was calling.

"Oh…it's the President." She said, clicking a button and holding the phone to her ear. "…Rouge here. …Oh really…? …You don't say… Dr. Eggman's control room in 30 minutes? Be there in a flash. But remember, I don't work for free."

As she spoke, Shadow eyed her, thoughtfully, while rising to his feet.

"Oh, it's negotiable?" she said with a grin. "Then, you've got yourself a deal!"

Clicking the hang up button, she turned to Shadow, who had already taken out his Chaos Emerald.

"…You plan on going too?" Rouge asked.

Shadow said nothing, but gave her an unreadable look.

Rouge blinked. "What…?"

"Does that bother you?"

"No…why should it? Besides, things may get more interesting with my 'partner in crime' there with me!" she playfully added, nudging him in the arm with her elbow.

Shadow said nothing at first, then he smirked. "…Thanks. …Sonic and the others should already be there too."

Rouge raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Oh really? Hmm…then that echidna will probably be there…"

"…"

"I swear, for a guardian who's suppose to spend his lifetime watching a giant emerald must not care too much about it getting stolen by famous treasure hunters such as myself."

Shadow said nothing, but simply shrugged.

Rouge noticed his hesitation, then linked her arm with his. "Ah well. As long as those boys don't get in our way, they're fine. Right?"

Shadow blinked. "…I suppose."

"So what are we waiting for?" She asked, playfully hugging his arm closer to her.

Shadow dared an inquisitive glance at her, then smirked and shook his head. "Absolutely nothing." he replied evenly, holding up the emerald. "Chaos Control" Shadow whispered, as Rouge simultaneously chirped the same thing.

And in a flash of green and white light, they disappeared.

-

I dun know why, but this story's pushin' me to get to the good parts. Maybe in one or 2 more chaps, the real fun will begin. Unless this story changes into something else, I'll have to go with the original plan. oh well, we'll see.

Oh yeah, just to clear up, a cat-suit is a tight-fitting one piece, that's usually black or red. Rouge wears a cat-suit in SA2 and Sonic Battle. Actually, she wears one in Heroes too, but her original outfit is definitely a cat-suit. And, if I'm wrong, I'm sure someone will point that out.

-Mel


	3. ULTIMATELY UNIMANGINABLE UNINANOMOUSITY!

_**A/N: Okay, I GOTTA give mad props to UltraShadow. After reading his Sleeping Beauty fic, and laughing so much, it gave me the inspiration I needed to finish my comedic Sonic fics, so I've got more hilarity for Milkshake now 3 I've been in constant writer's block off and on, but anyway, you are AWESOME man! And special thanx to Crazay for sendin me the link at the same time I clicked on it in mah email. You're one of da best grrl!**_

_**A/N: I've had the summary for this fic on this comp for YEARS, and only now I was able to get into the right mood to keep writing it **_

-

**FEIGN FABLE FIASCO:** ULTIMATELY UNIMANGINABLE UNINANOMOUSITY!

-

Once the two arrived at the foot of Eggman's building, awe overtook them as they stared at how large it was.

"Wow…" Rouge commented, "That doctor's sure had a lot of time on his hands, hasn't he!"

"A bit too much time if you ask me…" Shadow replied.

"Yeah, I'll say!" Rouge added, then looked to Shadow with a grin.

Catching her looking at him out the corner of his eye, Shadow turned to her with a confused smile. "What…?"

"Well, what are we doin' standin' around here for? Let's go!" she chirped, grabbing his arm and pulling him into the building.

Once inside, the two curiously looked around, the faint sound of elevator music drifting around them.

"Not bad!" Rouge exclaimed then walked upto the front desk. " 'scuse me, we're looking for Eggman's liar where he's supposedly holding people hostage."

The woman behind the desk glanced at Rouge unsurely, tugging at the metallic collar she wore. "Um…that would be up on the 6th floor. Please take the elevator to your left. Thank you. Have a nice day at Eggman's Empire." She said in an almost automated tone and bowed.

Shadow raised an eyebrow at this, but had no time to comment as Rouge pulled him along by his arm again.

-

Inside the elevator, Rouge quickly pressed the 'door close' button and waited for the them to shut.

Saying nothing for a while, Shadow looked to her eyeing the buttons strangely. He made a confused face, but didn't bother asking about it. "Say, Rouge, what floor did the receptionist say Eggman's lair was?"

"Mmm on the 6th…" Rouge replied, punching the 2nd floor button, then the 3rd, then the 4th…

Not understanding that she was stalling their stop, Shadow stepped closer to her and took her hand away from the buttons. "What are you doing?"

Grinning, Rouge pulled her hand away and motioned for him to come closer. "Come here and I'll show you…"

--

On the 6th floor…

"Allright, I want everyone to be at their best abilities tonight!" Eggman commanded, pacing back and forth. "I want to give our audience one of the best performances they have ever seen!"

"Sure, no problem. Just calm down Eggman! There's nothing to worry about!" Sonic reassured, leaning lazily against a wall.

"Yeah, Let's just hurry up so we can get this over with!" Knuckles chimed in, practicing his straight punches.

"I don't care how long it takes, just as long as I get a part! Right Cream?" Amy added, looking to the little rabbit, who nodded enthusiastically.

"It sure is, Amy!" she answered gleefully.

"Well, we can't be the only ones here to audition for parts." Tails spoke up. "Where're Shadow and Rouge?"

As if on cue, the elevator finally came to a stop on the 6th floor, revealing the duo. Rouge had her arms wrapped around Shadow's neck and Shadow was in a complete daze…unable to keep his balance. His face was covered in kiss marks.

"Hi guys!" Rouge called, taking Shadow's hand and leading him out into the hall so he wouldn't fall over. "Did we miss anything?"

"No, but we sure did with the show you two probably put on!" Amy called.

"Yeah so what took you two so long? Shadow lose something down your throat?" Knuckles growled, glaring at Shadow…who was still in a daze.

Ignoring the snickers she received from Sonic and the loud chortling by Eggman, Rouge whisked a hand through her hair and walked past all of them.

"Get yourself a woman, Knucklehead." She said, as she pushed past Knuckles.

Not even trying to stop her, Knuckles spread out his arms and looked between Sonic and Tails and then back to Rouge to indicate that she just dissed him and no one was going to do anything about it..

"Nope!" Sonic grinned, walking away and heading towards the stage.

"Sorry can't help you there, Knuckles!" Tails added and followed after Sonic.

"Yeah...tch, you're on your own!" Amy commented as she and Cream ran upto the stage also.

"See you in the auditions Knuckles!" Eggman announced and went to where the others were.

Standing all by his lonesome, Knuckles growled and shook his fist, running after all of them.

"&$!"

-

Soon the auditions began!

Eggman had them all read a few lines from Romeo and Juliet to get a feel for who was going to be who. But in the end it really didn't matter, since all their lines were going to be made up.

But Eggman liked feeling important so he did it anyway.

After all, it WAS his empire!

First up was Sonic and Amy.

Giggling, Amy glanced over her lines and snuggled up on Sonic's arm. "How romantic! We're reading LINES together!"

"Ugh, please don't rub it in, Amy…" Sonic groaned, moving away from her and straightening out his script.

"Allright you two, ready?" Eggman called, holding up 3 fingers and counting down. "In 3,2,1 go!"

"Um… Oh...then...dear saint…uhh…let lips do what hands do…uhh.." Everytime Sonic said 'uhh' he had to pause and look at his script.

Thankfully Eggman stopped him before he could continue. "Amy, it's your turn."

Laughing giddily, Amy smiled broadly at Sonic and read her lines well.

"THEN HAVE MY LIPS! The SIN that they have TOOK! Oh Sonic, TAKE MY LIPS!"

…Too bad they were dripping in sappiness.

"Hey, no drooling over the auditioners, Amy! Next!"

"Thank you…!" Sonic grumbled, leaving the stage in a flash, with of course, Amy chasing after him.

"Those two are out." Eggman spoke to himself, jotting down something on a notepad. Looking up, he nodded to Knuckles and Cream. "You two are up!"

After exchanging odd glances, Knuckles and Cream stepped upto the stage.

"3,2,1 GO!"

Knuckles cleared his throat and held the script close to his face. "They pray, grant tho, lust faith turn to despair. Wait a minute, that doesn't sound right…"

"That's because it isn't…" Eggman corrected.

"Oh! My bad!" Knuckles exclaimed and quickly went over his lines again and spoke them correctly to Cream, who giggled. "Why, saints do not move, though grant for prayer's sake! Tee hee!"

Eyeing them warily, Eggman scratched something out and jotted something else down in its place. "Allright, you two may go. Knuckles, you're in. And Cream…I'm sorry, but this event may be a bit too much for you. I should have put an age rating on this thing."

"Oh…okay…" she said softly and dragged her feet off the stage.

Seeing her so down, Tails took off after her to console her. So he was out.

The only two left to try out were…

"Hey…you two lovebirds, get over here." Eggman stated plainly.

Surprised he'd be addressing them as such, Rouge grinned and sauntered onto the stage as if it were a catwalk, posed, turned and then walked back the other way. Silently, she motioned for Shadow to do the same, and he walked down the stage with a little rise in his step, posed, posed again, then waited for Rouge to come back down and join him in a pose.

Eggman watched the two warily as clapping was heard from the back of the room. Turning around he saw it to be Cream and Tails. Then with a wave, Tails left out the door. Cream waved also, then flipped Eggman the bird when he turned his back.

Shadow and Rouge stared at her with shocked expressions on their faces and only gave Eggman their attention when he said something.

"Should I even have to ask you two to read your lines? You've already got my interest."

"Hmmm" Rouge pondered, looking over at Shadow. "Should we?"

He smirked and nodded, straightening out his script. "Yes, let's. Juliet, you may start."

"Why thank you! Okay! 'Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake' "

" 'Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.' " Shadow replied, lightly taking hold of her hand.

" 'Then have my lips the sin that they have took.' " Rouge grinned slyly, beckoning him to come closer.

" 'Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.' …and again…" he added, leaning in closing his eyes.

Rouge followed suit, but the both stopped when they saw Eggman staring directly at them, tapping his foot.

"Well, what you waiting for? Why did you stop?"

Rouge shrugged "Hmm I'm not so sure…perhaps it was the mood you interrupted…"

Shadow shrugged too and waved the situation away with a chuckle. "Let's just get this over with."

"Good answer!" Eggman replied and finished taking his notes. "Now, you two go out in the hall and I will announce the parts by name."

"What fore, there's only 3 of us who are going to be in this thing right?" Shadow asked, glancing at Rouge, who nodded.

"Correct" Eggman said, but waved a finger "However, only 3 of you have been chosen for this particular fairy tale. Now, it's a bedtime story, but I don't want the audience falling asleep on us! So, make it interesting!"

"I could hear you all the way from the back of the room." Knuckles spoke up, walking upto all of them.

"Excellent, then I shall issue your parts here and now. Shadow, you are playing the part of an intelligent young child, Knuckles you are playing the part of a curious and playful character, and Rouge…"

"Yes?"

Eggman peered down at her assets, then looked back upto her face with a grin. "…You are playing the part of a voluptuous villain!"

She half-smiled "I guess some things never change…"

"So what's the name of this story…?" Knuckles asked.

To this Eggman grinned, a glint in his eye. "Oh you will soon see Knuckles. LET THE SHOW BEGIN!"

-

Things to clear up-

No, nothing explicit happened in the elevator between Shad n Rougie. She just covered his face in kisses, is all.

And by the way, the way, the lines from Romeo and Juliet that they were reading from was from Scene V. This excerpt curtesy of the site it came from, I don't own it, so don't come after me.

**ROMEO**

O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;  
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

**JULIET**

Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.

**ROMEO**

Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.  
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.

**JULIET**

Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

**ROMEO**

Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!  
Give me my sin again.

I put it here so you could see how badly some of the chars messed up on it. Like coughcoughSoniccoughcough

Lol

-Mel


	4. SHOWTIME SERIOUSLY STARTS!

**FEIGN FABLE FIASCO**: SHOWTIME SERIOUSLY STARTS! (finally!)

-

Within a few hours, it was time for the show to start!

Eggman was the narrator. He had issued out all the costumes to the characters hours before in consideration to Knuckles' costume… He wanted him to be familiar with putting it on for the show.

As all the hostages of Station Square rounded together and took their seats…on the floor, Eggman greeted them all.

"Hello there all you unhappy people! Have we got a treat for you tonight! Tonight's special presentation will be the story of Hansel and Gretel! Now without further ado, I present to you…tonight's shooowww!"

Robotic-like clapping ensued as the curtain pulled back and Eggman moved to the lower side of the stage.

Clearing his throat, he began to narrate.

"A'hem! Long ago, in the depths of the forest, there lived a cranky old woman with a soft-spoken husband. The husband would chop wood aalll day and when he got home, his ungrateful wife wouldn't even have any fried chicken waiting for him on the table, let alone any bread!

"One day, the husband gently complained about this to his inconsiderate wife and her response to him was to take their own children out into the woods so they would have the majority of the food supply all to themselves!"

A giant card fell from the ceiling that read "Oooooh", and the audience did just that in reply.

Smiling eagerly that things were going so well, so far, Eggman happily introduced the main characters.

"Now, those very children were known as Hansel…" he paused as Shadow walked out nonchalantly from behind the curtain in form-sitting green overalls and faced the audience, instinctively crossing his arms.

"…And Gretel!"

At the character's name, Knuckles stumbled out onto the stage, clad in a green Dutch dress and nearly tripped over the clogs he wore. Swearing under his breath, he swatted at the wire lined blonde pigtails on his head and stood beside Shadow.

"You look really awful in that outfit." Shadow whispered out the corner of his mouth to Knuckles.

"I know…but I've got balls comin' out here in a getup like this!"

Shadow tried to stifle a snicker. "Just don't break them…"

"Why you…"

"AHEM!" Eggman cleared his throat to get his actors' attention, then continued on. "So, that night, Hansel and Gretel both overheard their mother talking about leaving them in the forest just so she could have all the large pieces of friend chicken all to herself."

"Man, that frickin' sucks, brother…" Knuckles said, cringing at calling Shadow 'brother'.

"Yeah, that scornful woman needs to meet her demise."

Blinking, Knuckles whispered to Shadow "Say, why isn't there a woman or anyone else playing this part?"

Shadow grinned and looked to Knuckles. "Because I threatened to shoot them if there were. I hate $es. A lady should be just that…A lady, nothing less."

Knuckles' eyes widened at Shadow's choice of words and pointed to the audience. "I think your public heard you."

"Ask me if I care."

"Ahem! So, that night, Hansel had an idea of what to use as markers to lead them back home again."

Not having any bread props on him, Shadow turned to Knuckles. "Do you happen to have any emerald shards on you?"

"Yeah why?"

Smiling, Shadow popped Knuckles upside the back of his pigtailed head as pieces of the Master Emerald fell out and scattered all over the floor.

"Ow! Hey!"

"Thanx!" Shadow laughed and pilfered the pieces. "Come on, let's go."

Knuckles scoffed as he glared at Shadow. "You had better give those back!"

"Maybe." He mused, beginning to drop the shards behind them as they walked.

"But as their mother and father lead them out into the forest, the shards Hansel dropped were soon consumed by a crow since they're attracted to shiny things." Eggman continued sarcastically and watched as a bird swooped down from behind the curtain and started gobbling up the emerald shards.

Hearing a strange sound behind them, Knuckles spun around and his eyes went wide in horror. "THE MASTER EMERALD!" he cried and ran after the bird, but it flew away too fast for him to catch it.

Growling, she started pulling up the hems of his dress to go after the creature when a firm hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Forget it, let's just keep going. The faster we do this, the sooner it'll get done. "Shadow said.

"Yeah but---the emerald!"

"You can always get another one…"

Snarling, Knuckles raised a fist at the long gone bird. "BASTARD! I'll get you, yet! Mark my words!"

"Shut up!" Shadow shouted, smacking Knuckles upside the back of the head again, but Knuckles quickly caught all the pieces of the M.E.shards that fell this time. "Ha gotcha!"

Staring impatiently at them, Eggman sighed. "Are you done? Anyway! As the two continued to venture through the forest, their parents had left them there for the wildlife to consume them!" Then Eggman snarled for effect.

"Don't do that again." Shadow warned.

Ignoring his threat, Eggman continued to narrate.

"Looking back at the trail he had left, Hansel was shocked to find it…GONE!"

Another card dropped down from the ceiling, knocking the other one down in the process that read: "Gasp". And the audience…so bored out of their minds by Eggman's rule, were too 'brainwashed' to recognize what the sign was really asking for and said "Gasp" instead.

Eggman shook his head, but continued on. "Shadow it's your line!"

"Oh. On no. The shards have been eaten by a bird…." He said in a completely empty voice with no passion at all.

"And so, the two had somehow miraculously found their way back to the house and their mother was even more upset, so she sent them out again, but this time, Hansel had a better idea of what to use to track their trail."

"Hang on, let ME handle this one!" Knuckles cut in, reaching in his dress pocket and pulling out a box of altoids and alka seltzer.

Shadow stared warily at him. "And what are you going to do with those? Got bad breath and indigestion?"

"No…something better!" Grinning evilly, Knuckles chuckled and set the items in an alternative trail as they walked across the stage.

And just as before, the crow flew back out and gobbled down some of the altoids as well as the alka-seltzer.

Knuckles watched eagerly with a sadistic toothy grin as the bird couldn't hold all the acidity within its body and exploded.

"HA! PAYBACK!" Knuckles shouted, raising a fist in triumph. "That oughtta teach you to mess with MY Master Emerald, jerk!"

Scowling, Shadow grabbed Knuckles by the arm and dragged him upstage. "Okay Al Pachino…that's enough."

Amused to be called that name, Knuckles leapt away from Shadow's grasp and started to pretend he had a machine gun. "SAY 'ELLO TO MY LIL' FRIEN'! "

Eggman shuddered. "Uh…let's NOT see that Knuckles. Ahem! Anyway, since the two children were abandoned out in the cold, they started seeing visions of houses made out of food, candy and Pokey…"

Getting into character, Knuckles sniffed the air, catching a sweet scent. "Mm what is that? Plumeria?" Curious, he kept sniffing, until he realized he was sniffing Shadow and was pushed roughly to the floor.

Springing back up, he was about to charge for Shadow, only to find him already at the candy covered house, snaking on a stick of Pocky.

"Man…I didn't know you liked that stuff…" Knuckles said, wrinkling his nose at the way Shadow consumed the snack.

"Then don't watch me eat it."

Knuckles half-smiled, then stopped cold when he heard movement from inside the house. Curious, he took a peek through one of the windows and gasped.

"Hey it's Rouge!" he exclaimed! "And she's changing into costume!"

"What?" Shadow wondered, and pushed Knuckles out the way. "Show some common decency and let her change!" he scolded, slipping a peek of her changing himself, turning bright red.

"Uh huh….show some decency, eh Shadow? I think your pride is showing" Knuckles grinned darkly.

Chuckling, Shadow had to agree with him there.

"Then just at that moment…!"

The doors to the little house flew open and there stood Rouge, leaning against the doorway in a seductive manner, and throwing her wig of streaky gray/black hair back.

"Welcome….to my Love Shack…" she presented lustfully.

"Allright!" Knuckles cheered, running towards her, but Shadow stopped him. "I don't think so…" he said, then looked to Rouge, demanding an explanation.

Seeing his expression, Rouge laughed and waved it away. "Actually some guy from the audience paid me 50 bucks just to say that on set. Another guy gave me 150 just for winking and sucking on my finger…"

Shadow's eyes narrowed as Knuckles' widened.

"And…some girl gave me 200 bucks just to do this…" she said softly and walked over to Shadow, took his hands in hers and kissed him.

Constant whoops came from the once 'dead' audience at the display.

"SHADOUGE!" some people in the audience called.

Pulling away, Rouge smiled at Shadow, then whispered in his ear "We'll finish this later."

His face lit up and he quickly turned away from her out of embarrassment. Then he cursed himself for having to wear such a tight outfit…

"Hey what about me?" Knuckles shouted, pointing to his nose.

Rouge looked him up and down and scoffed. "WHAT about you? You're wearin' a dress for crying out loud! "

Knuckles started to look offended.

Rouge sighed "But you know, some guy DID offer to pay me a million bucks to kiss you right on the spot. He also promised to throw in two tickets to an all expenses paid island vacation, all the JEWELRY I could ask for AND have caterers at my command day and night!"

"Knuxouge!" someone from the audience cheered, but he was severely shushed by everyone else.

Knuckles looked excited while Shadow sulked and turned his back to them.

Seeing him so aggravated, Rouge bit her lip. "But you know what I told him? Not if the world ended tomorrow! But… you know what else? I lied." She said, blowing Knuckles a kiss, just enough to distract him and steal a chaos emerald from him.

Shadow caught this out the corner of his eye and smiled faintly, shaking his head.

"Anyway, why don't you two come inside…of my house?"

"With PLEASURE!" Knuckles exclaimed, rushing in the house before any of them.

"Hey, remember you're a GIRL, Knucklehead!" Rouge shot back at him.

"#$!" Knuckles cursed.

Laughing Shadow went ahead of Rouge into the little house.

Once inside, her eyes trailed down to Shadow's tail as it moved slightly from side to side.

Feeling her eyes on him, Shadow turned to her. "What?"

"Your tail…it's nice…"

Embarrassed by the random compliment, Shadow half-smiled and moved his tail around for her. "Thank you…"

"So!" Rouge, began, getting back to the story, and nearing closer to Shadow. "Just…how big do you think you need to be for this hungry lady…?"

Shadow's brows raised high on his forehead at her obvious double meaning and immediately replied: "As big as you want me to be…"

"So when's the part come in when I have to boil the water for him…?" Knuckles interrupted, glaring at Shadow.

Rouge laughed and shook her head. "Relax! I'm not going to jump on him…I'm just going to eat him…."

"Oh." Knuckles replied, completely oblivious to her character's real plan. "Okay." Then he frowned. "…I wish I could eat you…"

"Um sorry, my character doesn't grant wishes. See ya!" she waved to him and walked off and Shadow chuckled and followed suit.

"Huh? Hey get back here!" Knuckles called after them, tripping over his clogs and growling as he pushed himself back up. "Wait up!"

"The next scene will be starting shortly!" Eggman announced. So get out, get some snacks, use the bathroom, then come back for the second half of the show!"

A sign dropped down from the ceiling and dangled half attached to the ceiling and half attached to nothing.

Sideways, it read "Intermission".

-

-The big piece of chicken bit was inspired by Chris Rock's Bigger and Blacker performance. lol

-sigh.

Should I even continue this thang?

-Mel


	5. CHAOTIC CLIMAX CONTINUES!

**A/N: AAAHAHA! Lots of sexual humor**

FEIGN FABLE FIASCO: CHAOTIC CLIMAX CONTINUES!

-

Backstage, Rouge, Shadow and Knuckles were enjoying their little hiatus before the next act.

"Man, this place is awesome!" Knuckles exclaimed, scarfing down handfuls of fruit from the bowl in front of him.

Rouge curled her lip at him and leaned back in her sofa chair. "You're only saying that because Eggman offered you free fruit backstage!

"Yeah so?" he replied between gobbles.

Shadow said nothing but shook his head. Placidly, he reached for the cup of instant noodles in front of him.

Rouge wrinkled her nose at him. "Ugh, how can you eat that stuff, Shadow?"

He shrugged. "I just do."

She shuddered. "It's not quite food and its not quite junk."

"Yeah, it's just…something to eat." Knuckles agreed.

Hearing them 'disrespect' his meal, Shadow stopped eating and pushed the cup away from himself on the table. "Thank you for helping me to lose my appetite."

"Oh no problem!" Rouge grinned "You shouldn't eat that stuff anyway!"

"Yeah, it's toxic!" Knuckles chimed in. Then broke out into song. " 'Baby can't you see…I'm callin…' "

Shadow and Rouge both stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to Knuckles.

"I'm so glad you stopped there." Rouge commented, referring to the next line in the song.

Feeling their eyes burning into him, Knuckles stopped his warbling and cleared his throat. " 'Ohh it ain't my fault. It ain't my fault!' " he rapped in a gruff sounding voice.

"Uhhhm, let's get out of here." Rouge spoke up, already taking Shadow by the hand and leading him away from Knuckles. "The next part's about to start anyway."

"TELL ME HOOWWW AM I SUPPOSESD TO LIVE WITHOOUUT YOUU!"

Annoyed, Shadow popped his head backstage and stared at Knuckles. "Go Nike and 'Just Do It' " And with that, he slipped back on the other side of the curtain.

"Yeah, yeah!" Knuckles responded nonchalantly, and grabbed one last handful of fruit to scarf down before he ran out onstage too.

-

Minutes later, the hostages began to refill their seats as the Intermission ended.

Once they were 'comfortably' seated, Eggman began to clap, and a giant card that read "Cap" with a 'l' scribbled in directly above where it should have been.

Seeing this, the audience started to unevenly and unpassionately clap. Even a few uncomfortable coughs were heard.

Not letting it bother him in the least, Eggman waved his hand outward to the stage in dramatic presentation.

"Allright, welcome back ladies and gentlemen! I hope you had a nice little break! And if you didn't, too bad, so sad! That's the way life goes sometimes!"

A few murmurs from the audience was heard and Eggman raised an eyebrow, scrutinizing each row.

One he was satisfied with the silence, he continued on with the show.

"When we last left our heroes, Hansel and Gretel, in their delirious state of hunger, had stumbled across an old villainous, and voluptuous, witch's house! Oooohoohoohoohoohoohoohoo!" Eggman went on, trying to imitate a spooky sound.

More coughs.

"Anyway! Let us see what the voluptuous and villainous witch has in store for the children…!"

Dramatically, the curtains lifted and parted, and the little cottage made of sweets was clearly visible.

Inside the house, Shadow and Knuckles were in separate beds in a dimly lit room.

"Since it was already dark outside, the witch decided to allow Hansel and Gretel to sleep in hay stuffed beds for the night." Eggman narrated.

"Hay?" Knuckles repeated, shifting around on the bed and pulling out tufts of hay in his hands. Curious, he sniffed it. "P U!Where'd this stuff come from!"

Staring at him wearily, Shadow half-frowned. "Where do you think? Maybe you ought to see if one of the cows left a rosebud in there for you."

Knuckles gave him an odd look then grinned sarcastically. "A rosebud huh? Do you think Rouge likes flowers?"

Annoyed, Shadow sat up and hopped out of his bed.

"Hey, where are you goin?"

"Away from you…" Shadow stated plainly. "I can't sleep either." He added, scratching the back of his head. "I'll…see you in the morning or something. Goodnight…Gretel."

Knuckles cringed and grit his teeth together at the name. "Yeah, sure thing, brother..."

Shadow smirked faintly and shook his head as he closed the door behind him.

Heading down to the kitchen, he heard some strange noises and what he thought to be some humming.

Going inside, not much to his surprise, he found Rouge. But what was she doing?

Humming to herself, she busily kept herself occupied rummaging around in the many drawers, cabinets and pantries near the oven. After getting a nice gratuitous view of her backside, Shadow's eyes lifted to the shiny white and black mechanism vibrating on the countertop.

Stepping closer to it, he was mere inches away from it when Rouge popped up out of the lower cabinets and looked at him.

"Yes, what is it? Did you get lonely Shadow? Couldn't sleep?" she mocked in a babyish tone.

Ignoring the joke, Shadow instead reached for the vibrating object and held it up in front of her. It's shape and size resembled one of the floating bat bombs Rouge once used before, but Shadow had never seen it vibrate.

"What is this?" he asked.

Peering down at it, then looking back up at him, Rouge smiled and snatched it from him. "It's my timer. Sheesh, what did you think it was?"

Shadow smiled and shook his head. "You don't even want to know."

Hearing this, Rouge grinned seductively. "I never knew you had such a naughty side to you, Shadow. I'm shocked."

"So am I. And I live with it."

Silence.

"So anyway, how did you get here, young man?" she asked, going back to the flow of the story.

Shadow shrugged. "My sister and I were getting kicked out the house by our own mother simply because she was too damn greedy for her own good and wanted all the food for herself."

"Wow, even the shrimp?"

"Yep"

"What about the chicken?"

"Oh…don't even get me STARTED on the chicken!"

"Uh oh! Sounds like someone's a chicken fiend!"

Shadow smirked. "I dabble"

"Uh huh, I'm sure." Rouge smirked then led him over to a large cage with thin bars.

Looking around, Shadow frowned. "What are we doing here?"

"You'll see!" Rouge chirped and pushed him into the cage.

Before he could say anything, Rouge had already begun to kiss him.

Eggman watched them and slapped his forehead. "I'm ruined" he grumbled, then decided to just go along with whatever they were doing. "And so, before the witch decided to boil her new visitor the next morning, she decided to …get acquainted with his taste a little early!"

"Mmmhmm" Rouge hummed. But then Shadow stopped her. "Wait a minute. Just who in the audience paid you to do this?"

She grinned. "No one…!" she whispered.

"Oh…Nice."

Fade out!

"Early the next morning…"

Nothing happened.

"A'hem!" Eggman cleared his throat, but nothing still happened, but faint fumbling sounds were heard from onstage…then creaking.

Rhythmic creaking.

"Hey somebody throw the lights back on!" Eggman shouted and at his command, the stage lights came back on.

Expecting to see something...unappropriate, to his amazement, all Eggman, and the audience, saw were Shadow and Rouge sitting at a table in the house and Knuckles jumping up and down on the bed.

"What?" he asked.

"Oh, so that's where that noise was coming from." Shadow confirmed, taking a sip of tea. "And I thought it was me!"

Rouge chuckled nervously and cleared her throat. "I think you'd better get back in that cage for the next scene!" she whispered to Shadow.

"Oh, right."

FADE OUT…again!

"Okay, let's try this again… Eggman started, clearing his throat and beginning to resume narrating. "Early the next morning…"

The stage lights came back on.

"…The witch had already locked Hansel in a steel cage and had begun to feed him high in cholesterol foods and tons of starbursts to help him grow nice and plump to eat!"

"Here you go." Rouge said, tossing Shadow another Starburst. "This one's strawberry banana. Is that fine or did you want something else?"

Shadow caught the Starburst, unwrapped it and quickly popped it into his mouth. "Lime would be good." He replied between chews.

"You got it!"

Eggman watched the two in disbelief, but kept on goin. "A-and what an unbelievably and deceivingly nice witch she could be! And a short order cook at that!"

"Rouge doesn't cook." Shadow interrupted, munching on the lime Starburst. "She's horrible at it."

A loud clank was heard onstage as Rouge dropped the pan she was holding. "Care to rephrase that?"

Shadow watched as hot and boiling liquid with strange pieces of foreign meat in them trickled past him on the floor and into his cage. Glancing upto Rouge, he shook his head. "No." Then he popped another Starburst in his mouth.

"Yeah! Go Shadow!" Knuckles called from upstairs in the house. "PIMP THAT—"

"Shhhhh!" Rouge shushed, then continued on preparing a "meal".

Baffled, Eggman blinked twice then laughed it off. "Anyway, the witch waited until Hansel had been nearly stuffed and each time she fed him, she would reach out and touch his arm to see how chubby he was getting."

"Gretel! Get down here!" Rouge called, pretending to sound like a witch.

In a flash, Knuckles rushed down the steps, with both hands holding his dress so he wouldn't trip again. "Yes, ma'am?" he asked, a bit too eagerly.

Rouge pointed to a large pot near the cage. "Get some water and boil it in there! I want to make sure your brother is nice and ripe—er I mean healthy!"

"Aye aye, capt'n!" Knuckles cheered as he rushed past Shadow's cage, flashing him a thumbs down, and went to fetch the water.

"Now, the witch was becoming poor with her sight, you see, so she had Gretel do as much of the work as possible."

Shadow scoffed as he heard this. "The poor sight part sure says a lot about her cooking…"

The moment he said that, he had to quickly move out of the way as Rouge through a bubbling pan at the top of his cage and all its steaming contents spilled out.

"Hey!"

"Oops!" Rouge giggled, placing her fingers to her lips. "Sorry about that! …Not…" she said, rolling her eyes and returning to the stove.

"AHAHAHAHA!" Knuckles cackled, stirring the boiling water with a huge spoon. "Owned…!"

Finding it amusing, Shadow laughed a bit and sighed. "I'll get you both when I get out of this cage…"

"And so! As our helpless hero Hansel sat miserably in the cage, the witch went over to him and asked for him to stick out his arm!"

Doing just that, Rouge walked over to the cage and kneeled down. "Show me your arm, boy!" she sneered, getting into character.

Knowing how the story went, Shadow reached to the back of the cage and picked up one of the items that was in the pan Rouge threw at him and stuck it out through the bars of the cage.

Pretending to not be able to really see what he had, Rouge closed her eyes and felt around.

Spreading her fingers around it, she squeezed it and then plucked it. It wobbled a little, but felt very fleshy.

"Shadow, is that your…"

"…Hot dog…?" Shadow said with a smirk, waving it around between his fingers. "Why yes, yes it is."

Opening her eyes to see that it really WAS just a hot dog, Rouge laughed lowly so the audience wouldn't hear and winked at him. "I thought something was off…"

Shadow blushed. "Sure you did…"

Seeing the two get so cozy on set, Knuckles growled under his breath and started to lift up the huge boiling pot…

Seeing this as a great add-in, Eggman took full advantage of this opportunity. "Then suddenly out of nowhere, Gretel somehow tripped and accidentally spilled hot scolding water all over her brother!" Eggman happily ad-libbed.

"OOPS!" Knuckles jeered, pretending to be sorry. "My bad, brother! Ha!"

Dripping wet with hundreds of degrees of hot water on him, Shadow teleported away in shock.

"Huh? Where did he go?" Rouge wondered.

Within seconds, he returned to the cage with a bunch of postcards, stamps and a sombrero.

"What the—did you just goto Mexico!" Rouge inquired.

"Yep." Shadow nodded. "And got some of the best shaved flavored ice I ever had."

Then he glared at Knuckles. "Te veré en infierno, echidna…" he said with a native and distinctive edge to his voice.

Knuckles stared at him with wide eyes. "What the hell did you just say to me!"

"A'HEM!" Eggman interrupted, catching Knuckles' oblivious little joke to what Shadow said. "After accidentally pouring the hot water all over her brother, Gretel had to start all over and get some firewood from the shed outside."

With a huff, Knuckles did exactly that.

"Unknown to the witch, the two siblings had planned to cook her instead of being cooked themselves! So while Gretel got the firewood, Hansel persuaded the witch to take a look in the oven!"

"Allright…!" Shadow said eagerly as Rouge began to kneel in front of the oven.

"And not just to get a good view of her behind, Hansel!" Eggman threw in.

Shadow sulked, glared at Eggman, and stared at Rouge's backside anyway.

Shaking his head, Eggman just continued on with the story. 'It's almost over with…' he told himself. "As the witch knelt near the oven, Hansel begged her to check out how small the oven was so she couldn't bake him in it!"

"Yeah" Shadow agreed, his eyes glued to the back of Rouge. "Miss Voluptuous Witch, you've obviously been stuffing me with a lot of food lately, so there's no way I'll be able to fit into that oven. So…since you've got a lot more to yourself than I ever would, would you mind crawling all the way in so I can get a better view of your oven. I mean!…uh…the lack of space in that oven…the one that you're crawling into! Whew…"

"I heard that!" Knuckles called from behind the house.

"Just hurry up with that firewood!" Shadow shouted back.

Amused as much as she was intrigued, Rouge tauntingly climbed into the oven and moved around. "You mean like this…?"

"Yeah…a little bit more to the right…I don't think there's enough space for…oooh yeah…"

"Around this time, Gretel came into the cottage with the firewood!" Eggman announced and the second his character's name was mentioned, Knuckles charged into the cottage and tossed the firewood aside. "FINALLY! I get to have some ACTION!"

"And Gretel was absolutely right! With the witch distracted by being more than halfway into the oven, this was Gretel's chance to push the witch inside and flee with her brother!" Eggman said enthusiastically.

"ALLRIGHT!" Knuckles cheered, throwing a balled fist into the air. "I get to push you….whoa…" his voice dropped as his eyes beheld the most glorious sight of Rouge's behind. "I think I'm in heaven!" he sang.

Shadow rolled his eyes. "Just push her already."

Knuckles grinned and readied his hands. "And push her I shall…!"

"What a bold comment coming from GRETEL, who was obviously a little GIRL." Eggman reminded.

Rouge snickered as Knuckles looked down at the dress. "Oh yeah…" Then something else caught his eyes and he nervously looked around and crossed his legs. "I sure hope nobody else saw that…"

"Hello…waiting to be pushed into an oven here!" Rouge called.

"Oh right! Luucky me!" Knuckles chuckled. Then remembered he was playing the part of a female and heightened his voice. "Ooh luuuucky meee! Heehee"

Irritated, Shadow threw a spoon at him. "Don't you EVER do that again."

"Ha! You're just jealous because I get to feel how soft the witch is and you don't!"

Shadow scoffed. "I already have."

Countless gasps spread throughout the audience. And there wasn't even a sign!

"You what! When?"

"While you were jumping up and down on the bed…"

"Ooooooooh!" the audience jeered.

"Yeah, well at least I used mine!"

"Yeah, the wrong way."

"OOOOoooOOOoooh!"

"He carried you!" a random voice called out from the darkened seats.

"Ahehehem! Can we get on with this please? It's really getting a bit warm in here." Rouge reminded.

Staring and glaring at the other, for a few more seconds, Shadow and Knuckles both tore their attention away from each other with a "hmph" each.

Back to the present task at hand, Knuckles clenched and unclenched his mitts and lightly pressed his hands to Rouge's behind. A blush ran across his cheeks and a pang of excitement ran through him---and also grazed his abdomen.

Suddenly kneeling, he clenched his stomach and laughed nervously. "Uhh...hehehe…um…cramps!" he lied…sort of.

"Mmmhmm" Shadow half- frowned.

"Could you hurry up?" Rouge rushed.

"Uhh..."

"Shoot! Let ME do it then!" Eggman shouted, running up onstage and pushing Rouge into the oven. Looking to his hands he smiled, as his eyes began to sparkle. "I shall remember this day for the rest of my life! I'll never wash these hands again!" he proudly stated, slipping some gloves on.

"Ewwll…" Knuckles grimaced, but Eggman ignored him.

"And so! The witch was defeated and Hansel and Gretel were saved! Hansel, Gretel, come up here and take a bow!"

Hearing their character's names called, Knuckles walked to center stage first as Shadow warped out the cage and followed suit.

Exchanging glances, as well as heir own trademark facial expressions, they then turned to the audience and bowed.

Whoops and cheers rang throughout the crowds and then the two bowed again.

Then they took a step back as Eggman called Rouge out.

Kicking down the other side of a trap door, Rouge slipped out of the oven and did her runway strut downstage. Once there, she blew the audience kisses and took a slight bow.

Everybody in the whole vicinity called, whistled and chanted her name.

Inwardly she groaned 'Great another fan-club...'

Bowing again, she smiled and waved.

Once she stepped back and joined the other two, all of them, including Eggman bowed and walked off the stage.

But Eggman ran back to give another announcement to the public.

"Thank you all for watching! I hope this inspires you all to work for me twice as hard! And to make it even more worth your while, I'll even consider PAYING you!"

Eggman received multiple cheers for that one.

"And it will be more than one cent to each of you!" he added and the cheers got even louder. "Also, be sure to stay in touch! More performances are on their way!"

And with that, the stage light faded out and Eggman went backstage.

Also backstage, a loud roar ripped through the air. "AAAUUGGHH! There's SALT in my FRUIT!" Knuckles cried.

"And water balloons in my halter top!" Rouge yelled.

Walking out down the main steps of the stage, Shadow chuckled. "I told you I'd get the both of you when I got out of that cage…! Too bad it's only a small payback this time."

- I'm so sleepy.

Mel


End file.
